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I am definitely an animal lover! I love animals! They taste delicious, and so much great science comes from experimenting on them! I read that 80% of medical testing would cease without scientists being allowed to torture worthless animals first with their products. How can one be apathetic to the animals of this world? They bring such great things to the human race. Now, I am a bit torn with environmentalists and animal rights activists out there. Their advocating species and ecosystemic rights and preservation I agree with wholeheartedly, but I can't seem to see the merit in their ideas of animal rights. And believe me, there's a big difference between these two forms of "rights". First let me start off by explaining what's so great about species and ecosystems. SCIENCE! That's what's so damn great about them! Much of science thrives on cute little animals in labs, and natural ecosystems. First of all the entire science of biology would be almost nothing without the countless millions of species (it may even be billions, we haven't discovered them all) out there. Genetic testing, for example. There's a very interesting overlap of genes between species, and many species have the exact same genes as humans. Chimpanzees, for example, share 95% of their genes with us. Can you Christians guess why? HA! So anyway, if we deliberately mutate a gene in a nematode species that humans also possess a similar version of, and that worm triples its life span (this actually happened), then hooray for nematodes! That fucking species just gave scientists a lead into discovering the genetic fountain of youth! If we can duplicate that mutation in humans… well, people like me will plague the Earth for even longer, and you fuckers will not be rid of me so easily. I can't wait. You might be thinking that maybe a few animals are necessary and helpful for science, but surely a couple species going extinct here and there every year or so isn't going to make much of any dent in science. If one stupid animal goes extinct, we'll move on to the next. However, animals, as are all life forms, are walking mounds of chemical energy! In physics, there is kinetic energy, thermal energy, mechanical energy, etc. All very useful and great for fueling just about anything. Well, animals are chemical energy, and that energy can be harnessed as well for the sake of human progress. Living organisms are full of all sorts of hormones, pheromones, neurotransmitters, and of course, meat. Meat is chemical energy, and it fuels humans well. These chemicals vary from species to species: they have different hormones, neurotransmitters, etc. Many of today's drugs are from the chemical components of plants (plants have hormones too, by the way). Anyway, some species are blessed with highly useful chemicals you just can't find anywhere else, and we're always discovering new ones. There was this one toad that could stop its organs from processing food by releasing some hormone that no other animal had. Some scientists figured that stomach surgeons might find some use for this chemical, because who wants a stomach to fight back (so to speak) when you're cutting it up? Well, that was too bad, because the fuckin' toad's dead now, and all his little friends too. All extinct, no fancy pants new drug, and a lousy blow to science. Fuckin' lame toad dying on us! Anyway, those hippy liberals wanting to prevent these animals from going extinct got at least that part right. Maybe their goals aren't scientific (what the hell are their goals, anyway?), but I'm still on their side! Anyone who destroys a species must hate the progress of science. However, I draw a fine line between species and the individual animals that make up that species. Species are great, but animals are nothing but meat on my plate. You see, species are nice because they are irreplaceable. Unless you keep some of that specie's DNA lying around to later be cloned, a dead species isn't coming back. If something can't be replaced, then maybe we shouldn't destroy it? Just a thought. But fucking stupid, eating, shitting, barking animals can go to Hell! What's so great about your dog?! If your dog is so great, then what's the difference between your yapping little worthless mutt and the next? Nothing! If a gerbil dies, and you buy another one, I won't even notice. They're all the fucking same… at least as far as humans can tell. However, animals are supposed to be more genetically diverse than humans are. Humans are reportedly the most genetically cognate species on Earth. But as far as I'm concerned, if I can't tell the difference without DNA analysis, I don't fucking care. Animals are all the same. A monkey in a lab can be replaced. So what if our drug testing kills the ugly monkey? We've got plenty more! But the whole monkey species? I'm not even going to get started on explaining how important monkeys and chimps are to science, that's an entire article right there. But to keep it short, monkey species must be preserved, because we can't bring a species back from the dead. Except for wooly mammoths, of course. We're working on those right now, because we got some of their preserved sperm in an ice berg or something. I can't wait! Saying scientists can't torture animals in the name of science is awful! That is mixing ethics with science. Don't any of you see the irony in that? Ethics and science? That's like mixing church and state. The two just don't belong together. They have nothing in common anyway. Science is supposed to be concrete, objective, and only look at the facts. Ethics are some wishy washy, abstract nonsense that can never be scientifically proven. Thou shalt not kill? That's not a fact, that's an opinion, and opinions are biased. Anyone who advocates ethics is a prejudicial prick! They are psudoscientists! Keep your filthy ethics out of my science! The two go together like George W. Bush and a book. So, endorsing animal rights is anti-science, and advocating species rights is pro-science. Which is it? Do you hate or love science? If you hate it, you are a hypocrite. The clothes you wear, the house you live in, the computer you are using to read this right now, guess what created those things? Science! Do you really want to be a hypocrite? If you don't, start hating animal rights right now! You know you wanna. |