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Some people might assume that I am all for the death penalty, 'cause I'm a sadistic creep. But they would be wrong. I am very much against the death penalty. However, my reasons for protesting capital punishment are anything but liberal. In fact, I see myself as very conservative when it comes to killing filthy criminals. I'm more conservative than the conservatives on this particular issue (but few others). Republicans need to start listening to me. I know more about their ideals than they do (which is not saying much, actually). Here's the thing: I have three reasons for my dislike of the death penalty, two of which are very conservative (in a sense). My first reason is that the death penalty does not deter crime. Scientists have thoroughly studied this, and the results are final. States with higher rates of executions compared with states that have few to no executions annually are absolutely no different when it comes to crimes committed that might warrant capital punishment. Kill all the criminals you want, but other criminals will not care and will keep on killin'. And who could blame them? Killing is what people do. Apparently, most murders are spur of the moment, in extemporaneous actions out of anger with no foresight whatsoever. Thus, the average murderer doesn't spend too much time thinking of the consequences of his/her actions, even if those consequences involve being executed. Who would have thought that street criminals would be so myopic and lacking in foresight? I never would have guessed that! My second reason is that, surprisingly, the death penalty is more expensive than life without parole. I would have guessed it'd be cheaper, but apparently a sentence to be executed requires much more judicial deliberation, more trials, more appeals, and more paperwork, which makes it more expensive. They could speed the trials up a little to solve this problem, but the judicial system is such crap already that even now we are discovering that hundreds of people on death row are/were in fact innocent (thanks to genetic testing. Hooray for science!). I could go on about all the flaws of the judicial system, but that'd be another article entirely. Anyway, executing the innocent may sound fun, especially when occasionally you are actually executing a criminal. But, hey, that could be ME some day, innocent or no, and I want a fair trial! And knowing how prejudicial judges, juries, witnesses, and attorneys are, they'd be lynching me as if I were Saddam Hussein in no time. I have things to do, I don't have time to be lynched. So, the death penalty = a waste of money! I thought conservatives were supposed to conserve money? Those flip floppers! Squandering our tax payer money like a bunch of bleeding heart liberals! Anyway, the enjoyment of killing criminals/people is a very abstract, immaterial reward. Money, on the other hand, is very material. I think money is more important than simply making victims feel better about their murdered family members. Fuck victims! They are so emotional and whiny! It annoys me to no end to hear family or friends of those who have been murdered whine about how hard they have it. They're not the one's who have died, so shut the fuck up. Grief makes the weak so irrational. They think they now have some sort of privilege over others now that they have "suffered" so much, and that I can't make fun of them. Pathetic. Anyway, don't waste tax payer money just to make weak and whiny victims pretend that it makes them feel better in some way ('cause studies show it does not help them find closure). And now for my third reason for protesting the death penalty, which is probably my most important reason. I can ignore that the death penalty might not deter crime. I don't care about crime. My doors are always locked, and if anyone tries to mug me, I'll mug them instead. If they don't have a wallet, I'll just beat them and steal all their clothes and leave them naked and bleeding in the street. And as for the death penalty costing so damn much, well, I will probably never consciously notice a difference whether they eliminate the death penalty or not. I don't pay attention to economics. It's not like the saved money will likely go to anything that I care about anyway. However, the primary reason I think the death penalty is stupid is because it is NOT tough on crime. If someone murdered some person I valued and had some uses for, I would be pissed. That's practically my property that the murderer destroyed. My friends have uses to me, just like my computer does. Whether you destroy my friends or my computer, you're in deep shit! However, I would never wish the death penalty on my enemies. That is not revenge, that is mercy! I would prefer my enemies receive life without parole over the death penalty any day. A life sentence is a way better revenge. If there is someone I hate, I want them to suffer. There are no limits to how much I want them to suffer. If I can make them feel the worst tortures that human beings are capable of feeling, or the worst pain and suffering a man or woman has ever felt in the history of the human race, I want my enemies to feel that. If there are worse forms of pain and suffering than that, then I want my enemies to feel that instead. And I want it to last as long as possible. If I can make it last all eternity, I will. I want them to suffer for so long that they have forgotten why they are suffering. Memories don't last forever, and so all of their memories should eventually be replaced with endless pain. So, what the fuck does this have to do with the death penalty? Well, if I want my enemies to suffer, then the death penalty is not the answer. The dead do not suffer. I have never seen a corpse scream in pain or whine about being depressed. For all you know they could be in heaven, or reincarnated as some babbling, stupidly happy infant. No one has ever proven that another person is unhappy after they die. Maybe they're happy, maybe they're miserable, maybe they don't even exist anymore. You don't fucking know. However, if you are placed in prison for the rest of your life, you had damn well better be miserable for the whole fucking time! Who's happy in prison? Prison sounds so damn boring! You are over crowded in small cells that were only meant for a third of the people they hold, hanging out with a bunch of uneducated, stupid criminals with an average IQ that's in the toilet, with absolutely no stimulating recreational activity. Maybe you get to occasionally beat or rape some one, but essentially there's no real excitement. It can be empirically proven that a criminal can suffer in prison. But it can't be empirically proven that the dead can suffer at all. If an enemy of mine is in prison, and I know he/she is unhappy, and for some reason I'm still angry, it doesn't have to end there. If your enemies are dead and you're still angry, there's almost nothing you can do. But if they are in prison, you can go and visit them and make fun of them. Rub it in that their life is ruined, and that they have no hope. And you'd get to see and enjoy their subsequent reaction. You can send them taunting mail, you can even hire convicts within the prison to beat or rape the son of a bitch. You can essentially torture them for the rest of their short lives. Wouldn't that be so much sweeter than them being cremated and turned to ash, and no longer able to feel pain? The republicans talk about revenge, but the death penalty is not revenge. It is mercy. Sure, the convicts may say they would prefer life without parole, but since when did stupid street criminals know what's in their best interest? They're a bunch of myopic, drug addicted retards, and have no clue of what would be best for them. I know what would be best for them, and I don't want them to have it! I say, life without parole any day, and fuck the death penalty! That is true retributivism. |