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I am the center of the universe. It's true. Or at least it might as well be; it makes no difference to me. If I actually were the center of the universe, my actions in life and on this world would be exactly the same as they currently are. Really, what difference would it make if I was?! Let's look at if I actually was the center of all creation. The universe would revolve around me, and I would anchor all existence to itself. However, if I were this highly important person, and I were to die, then the whole of the universe would die and be destroyed with me. The thought of it gives me warm, tingly sensations. I sure wish I could get front row seats to something like that: the end of the universe. Anyway, how is this proposed scenario of mine any different than how I am now? If I am the center of the universe and die, do I really even get to watch the universe collapse and all the hilarity of people screaming and flailing about in terror in a mass frenzy at their inevitable fate? No, I would not, I'd be dead. The dead don't get to watch such forms of entertainment as the destruction of Earth (and everything else). The moment the world finds out I'm the center of the universe, is the moment I die and never get to enjoy my power (and dying is the only way to prove I am the center of everything). So my life would have been no different than if I was just a normal homo sapien. But one might say that not being the center of the universe makes a big difference. I mean, you die, but the rest of creation remains. A more than slight difference, but not one you could ever prove to me, center or no center. Let's just say for the sake of this article that I am, for some reason, not in fact the center of the universe. What happens when I die? I'll tell you what happens: the universe is destroyed anyway. Prove me wrong! Kill me (I know you wanna) and prove to me the universe is still here after I'm gone. Can't be done! You can't prove anything to a filthy rotting corpse, even if that corpse was the great E xcrucio himself in life. If I die and am the center of the universe, the universe disappears with me, but if I am not the center of the universe, my experience is exactly the same: no more universe for me to enjoy and take advantage of. In fact, right now, the only reason anything exists is because of me. My keyboard right here exists, but only because I can see and feel it. I give it life. I permit its existence. If there is a keyboard I haven't seen, who's to tell me it exists? I haven't seen it, and thus there is no proof yet. The only reason you exist (if you do in fact exist) is because I can see you. All I have is the light reflected off of your face, transduced into electrical patterns in my retina that are by some miracle interpreted by my brain in the occipital lobe, but damnit, I have something, some evidence. It is because of this process of mine that I have reason to believe you exist, and without it, what reason is there? Of course, I know other people exist without me, but that doesn't make any difference to me or put a dent in my ego: you still might as well not exist, if I've never heard of you. Other people claim to have feelings, but then why can't I feel them? Sounds suspicious to me! Maybe other people don't have feelings? Maybe those starving children in shit bag third world countries aren't really suffering (I sure hope that's not true!)? People claim to have empathy, but they are really only experiencing their own emotions, which resulted by some subjective interpretation of the perception of another's so called feelings. But those perceptions are just as distant and impersonal as how our eyes interpret wavelengths of light shooting through the air. Other people act like they have feelings; big deal! My feelings are the only ones that matter because those are the only feelings I will ever feel. Fuck your feelings, do you even have 'em? Don't tell me, I don't even care. So, my conclusion is still as follows: I am the center of the universe. If you are a sentient, living thing that happens to exist, then you just might do well to believe the same thing about yourself. Why should you be concerned with other people's troubles? Other people's troubles are only troubling when they are my problems too. The universe is a great place, but only because I get to exist in it. However, I don't just exist in it, I am it! If I look up, I can only see so far; but as far as I can see, that is the end of the universe. Wherever I look determines where the universe is and where it ends. Wherever I move my arms, wherever I look, whatever I happen to be thinking, that is what the universe is at that very moment, and that is all it is. Fuck whatever happened before, or whatever I was doing then, the sum of my perceptions now is what the entirety of the universe is. Wherever I go, I take the universe with me. It's mine, not yours. So yes, it is true, I am your god. When are you people going to start worshipping me? Have you no respect for your god? I could destroy you all merely by walking out the door or closing my eyes. Then you would no longer exist. You better wise up, mortals. Your god may become bored with you. |