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I have trouble deciding which I do more: love or hate. Now don't get me wrong about love, thinking I mean it as a form of sentiment or compassion, that's not what I'm talking about; if there's anything I hate, it's silly notions of sentiment. Love to me is simply valuing something, being appreciative of that something's existence. Anyway, I value everything, but I also find I hate everything. I love everything merely because it exists. If it exists, I am glad (although I may not be glad with how MUCH it exists). I want as much as utterly possible in this world. Fuck, I want as much as possible in this universe, or multiverse. I just want everything to happen, to have happened, to just be thrown into existence to further diversity. I love variety, variety of opinions, people, places, species, whatever. The more there is, the more chaos follows. The more opinions there are out there, the more differences, the more differences, the more disagreement and xenophobia. The more there is of these things, then there shall be more conflict, war, hatred, and violence. These things are a highly sought source of entertainment for me, and I want to witness them happen. Diversity breeds a grand show of strife, thus I highly value diversity. For instance, I value ethnic minority presence in my country, and I also value ethnic prejudice against those minorities, and the ethnic prejudice of those minorities against the majority. Because the more there is, the more will happen, the more that happens, the more I will enjoy. Anything that happens, I want to know about it. But I can't know about everything, so I have to pick and choose what I watch and learn from. This is where variety pays even more: the more there is out there, the more options I have, the more selective I can be; the more power and control at navigating to my favorite interests of the most obscure sorts will be available. I want it all to exist. If it doesn't exist, I hate it. Why haven't we discovered aliens? Why don't demons exist? Where the fuck is the invention of the time machine? I want to time travel right now! If we discover more worlds besides our own out in space that have life existing on them, then that doubles the source of my entertainment, for there will be yet another world to explore. Life on other planets of comparable size to ours would double the science of biology's research. Maybe it would even double the science of psychology as well, given that the planet has intelligent life. In what ways would an alien express pain and suffering? Finding out would be so interesting; I want to torture aliens to death! But I also hate very much, if not everything. I hate anything weak and/or stupid, which I find an excuse to label an overwhelming majority of things as. I love to hate, because hating makes me angry, and anger gives me energy! Beautiful, overwhelming, malignant energy! It fuels me, gives me an edge, lets me scream and yell and smash things (those things would be your face if I could get away with it). I'm bored by most drugs. They either make me tired, stupid, or fucking psychotic (which is the equivalent of being stupid). Stimulants aren't so bad though. And anger is a damn good stimulant! The more energy I have, the more I can do, the less I sleep, the more I enjoy and learn. Hatred fuels my angry pursuit of the things I love. It's great having things to hate. If I didn't hate, I wouldn't dislike anything. If I didn't dislike anything, I wouldn't argue, question, or challenge much of anything. The absence of challenge and competition breeds sloth and an atrophying of one's skills. When I hate something about someone, I tell them just that and why I hate it. I want them to fight back, to verbally assault my sense of reasoning, to challenge everything I hold sacred in my mind. I love to argue, to test every theory of mine, every opinion, reflection, and axiom. I want people to insult me, to try and tear everything I stand for to pieces with words. If one's beliefs cannot withstand criticism, then your beliefs hold no value. If your beliefs can't withstand criticism, then they are flawed and wrong. No one has the right to be wrong without me exposing that wound to every source of pain and humiliation capable of being felt. I love to argue, and I love to argue against things I hate. It is a wonderful mental exercise, and if I am found to be wrong, I still win, because I learned something. I have improved. So everything is welcome on my planet and in my universe. I want everything to be created and everything to suffer and be destroyed, in no particular order. So long as I have access to the things I love, and the things I hate don't have any power over me, I will continue to value all that I hate, and hate all that I value. |